Today is the 26th October 2010 . Back to work today, but i have to admit half the time i was into thoughts .

Colette was my adviser for the day, because i thought she's the best person i could relate to regarding this matter . She said women can do what men does, but men in return couldn't do what a women does . Based on all the mothers, placing their children and husbands before themselves, with the wide range of emotions from the sensitivity of a lady, the periods of the months, and worse of all, career issues . People are like fingers of a hand, there're similar ones, and those different ones, people think differently .

She said she could sense what i sense, because she's been through too, and told me that i wasn't my usual self .

I'm affected by what was said, and i'm insulted .

But as usual, i always swallow it down and force myself to forget it . Because men, always think that plain words with some hugs and kisses will solve the problem .

Sometimes, i wish that you could just go away, because i hate you for what you do .

Today is the 25th October 2010, and i had the worse hair cut i ever experienced, what's more ? I paid for it; SGD22 .

My husband always patronize this salon and always had the same female hair dress to trim his hair for him, with a wash . Today, i went there alone to have my second hair cut with her, the first time, i went with my husband . My husband said she was skillful, and told me the difference between certified barber and non-certified barber .

And i swear, i'll never go back there for paid services .

I hadda cut and wash, and i thought it was always logical to cut the hair first then wash ? I had the wash first, but i was fine with it .

I admit my hair is dry, and it always gets tangled up, but having visited so many salons to have my hair done, she's the lousiest . She pulls my hair so hard i could feel the pain that i've never had with other salons, and her nails are ... i don't know ... trying to cut my scalp ?

Done with washing, shall we ?

I went back to my booth and sat down, she combed my hair so violently my head was swaying as if i'm about to nod off to sleep and then started trimming my wet hair . It was big movements . My hair swung and my wet hair slapped water on my face . Consider me stupid not knowing hair dressers actually do hair cuts on wet hair .

I said i wanna keep my length, but as usual, it's now much shorter, pissed .

She didn't use the blunt scissors to layer my hair so now, my hair ... is big on the top, layered on the bottom .

Finally the blow dry, my fringe was dried first and she kept my fringe fall down across my face . It was all the way to my lips and she only combed it back up when she was done blowing dry all my hair . I was breathing in warm air literally .

One thing she said to me that i'll never forget, in fact, i'll tattoo the very sentence to whoever mentions 'Serene' in front of me . She asked why my husband gained weight while working overseas and replied to her own sentence, '老婆不在没有压力啊?'

I faked a smile all along, i so wanted to call you and fuck you upside down, but i hold myself back because i knew you are having a hard time with work now .

You called, so i merely told you a little of what i thought was total disaster .

I don't know, but what you said sounds more like speaking out for the hair dresser than words to comfort me .

But what's the big deal all about right, it's just hair, it will grow back .

Yeah, it will grow back, because it's just the difference of me going with you and me going alone .

老婆不在没有压力... you better think of some place else to cut your hair when you're in Singapore .

Today is the 21st October 2010 . Yet again, blogging from Brunei, my second last day from leaving for Singapore . This time, with much disappointment .

I admit that it was my selfish act to get my husband to extend another year, for the greed of money to pay off his debts that bother me to a discomfort heart, not that it's alot, but a reasonable amount . I've never actually thought of the consequences to make him stay, even if it means no clubbing for a year and staying in a shabby place at a third world country .

The application wasn't exactly succussful, in fact, it was rejected at first, but with much help of appeals from high ranking bosses, the application rolled out a verbal approval for upcoming year at Brunei .

My first reaction was unclear, should i jump for joy, or should i get upset because i'm about to lose a year of clubbings, 21st birthday parties, and living in a horrible country . I don't know .

I only knew when my husband knocked off from work, walking through the door in his smart green attire . He was clearly upset . And my heart sank a little .

He was ready to receive a rejection more than an approval, he was ready to go home, to go home and attend close friends' weddings, and then this happened . I felt that i made the wrong move asking him to make the application in the first place . He was tired of this place; uneven roads, empty malls, disgusting food, slow service everywhere .

It was bad enough, when another piece of news came from a friend, i almost wish i could turn back time and amend everything . When i saw him sitting at the edge of the bed, hands clasped together in front of his face, supporting his chin, i was pretty lost . I could feel sadness, i wasn't pondering as to whether i should be happy or sad now, because it somehow linked me to him . I don't see any happiness anymore, it was purely, a full percentage of sadness in me .

This isn't supposed to be, my principle of life is not to regret, and i'm pretty much breaking it right now . I saw his face and i knew i regret making this choice .

'Money is the root of all evil', now you caught me .

And now, i'll have to leave him here, in this place, when i'll be on my flight back to Singapore tomorrow evening . If it's not for my cousin's wedding, i would have my flight postponed, because i wanna be by his side . I felt wrong having to leave .

I hope for a miracle to happen, to have it taken off, and everything back to step one, where i'll be expecting his return on December . This isn't about me anymore... it's about him .

Tell me... tell me... ... tell me there's a miracle .